During the height of COVID I read Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. I got it on Audible first and then had to buy the actual book because it was so good! Honestly, it might have been one of the things that kept me sane. Today I thought this might be a good time to talk about that here.
Everything back then felt uncertain — work, health, routines, even trips to the grocery store. I had some hope that if the stressful situation changed, my body would relax.Maybe, given recent events you’re feeling that way now. I learned from reading the book that stress doesn’t work that way.
Just because the stressor is gone, doesn’t mean the stress is gone. Our bodies still carry it, like we’ve hit “pause” instead of “stop.”
The Nagoski’s (2019) call it “completing the stress cycle.” It’s about helping your body recognize that it’s safe now — whether through movement, a good cry, laughter, creative expression, or deep connection with someone you trust. It’s like sending a signal to your nervous system:
You can rest now.
During lockdown, I tried to walk my dogs more often, I spent time dancing in my kitchen, and even letting myself have a solid cry when I needed it. I learned how to play Catan with my family. I wasn’t just “managing” stress anymore — I was finishing it.
And that made all the difference.
Think of it this way: imagine a zebra is chased by a lion, but once it escapes, it instinctively shakes and trembles to release the stress. Humans, though? We often skip that part. The stressor might be gone, but without processing it physically or emotionally, our bodies stay stuck in survival mode.
Recognizing these bigger forces doesn’t excuse burnout—it frees us from unhelpful guilt, and helps us set boundaries instead of overextending our energy.
Beyond tools like exercise and deep breaths, the chapter on self-compassion hits home. You know that harsh inner voice nagging at you? The Nagoski’s (2019) call her the “Madwoman in the Attic”—and the book encourages naming that voice, then gently challenging her. Pause. Ask yourself: would I talk to a friend this way? Probably not. So why do we talk to ourselves this w(like nature, purpose, or a supportive community). These fuel resilience and remind us we’re not in it alone.
Stress doesn’t have to linger like a shadow. You can actively complete the stress cycle—whether through movement, tears, connection, or rest—and when you do, your body starts to relax. Pair that with boundary-setting and self-kindness, and it’s less about surviving day to day, and more about cultivating resilience.
Burnout is still relevant today. The pandemic is in our review mirror now, but the concepts in this book are still helping me to interact with my stress in a different way today. Need a good book to read? I recommend this one! ay?
Rest isn’t optional—it’s a necessity. The book reminds us that we’re not built to be “on” all the time. Aim for rest, yes—but also play, connection, and time with something larger than yourself
Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.
Mental Health Mondays 
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