As a therapist, I get asked a lot about self-care. How do we actually take care of ourselves well?

When I ask a client how they practice self-care, I usually get answers like, “I take a bubble bath,” “I watch Netflix,” or “I read a book.” Those things can all be relaxing—but honestly, most people don’t know how to truly care for themselves. Our culture doesn’t really to rest well. 

So what is self-care? When I asked “Dr. Google”, I found this definition:

“Self-care is the practice of intentionally engaging in activities that promote physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being to reduce stress and improve overall health.”

Not bad for an AI answer.

What stands out to me in that definition that I want to encourage you to pay attention to is this: intentionally engaging. True self-care doesn’t just happen—it’s a conscious choice to do something that restores balance and strengthens your body, mind, heart, and spirit.

There are many ways to relax, but not all are created equal. Some are passive—like zoning out with a show or scrolling social media. Others are active—they actually work to shift the state of your body and calm your nervous system. When you slow your heart rate, ease muscle tension, or quiet racing thoughts, your body signals to your mind that you’re safe. And when your body feels safe, your mind becomes more open, peaceful, and able to reflect clearly.

That’s the kind of self-care that changes things—not just for a moment, but in how we live, think, and connect with others.

Let’s start with a simple truth: not all self-care is created equal.

Passive self-care helps you pause, but active self-care helps you heal.
Passive self-care gives your brain a break. Active self-care helps your body and mind reconnect.

Passive self-care might look like:

• Watching a favorite show
• Taking a bubble bath
• Reading a good book
• Scrolling Pinterest or social media
• Getting a manicure
  

There is nothing wrong with any of these! They help us rest and unwind—but they don’t necessarily restore our inner balance or shift our physical stress response.

Active self-care, on the other hand, intentionally changes the state of your body and mind. It helps your nervous system regulate and trains your brain to come back to calm more easily.

Examples of active self-care include:

• Deep breathing or breath prayer (inhale peace, exhale tension)
• Going for a walk outdoors
• Stretching or yoga
• Journaling honestly about your emotions
• Talking with a trusted friend or counselor
• Practicing gratitude 
• Practicing mindfulness
• Spending quiet time in prayer or Scripture reflection
• Doing something creative—painting, music, gardening, writing
  

Active self-care takes a little more effort, but the results last longer. It’s like charging your inner battery instead of just putting it on sleep mode.

True self-care isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a rhythm.
It’s not about escaping your life; it’s about learning to live well in it.